"HARVEY WALLBANGER" $45 U.S.
Painted in Acrylic on 9" X 12" 140 lb paper.
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Dan Bunch
2236 Co. Rd. 314
Cleburne, TX
76031All paintings are guaranteed! If you are not satisfied you can get all your purchase money back upon the return
,in new condition, of any artwork! No questions asked. (Only the shipping; posting; handling, if any; costs will not be refunded)
Howdy,
Today, in installments, if I can't get it all in here, of one of the funniest stories ever to come out of the Texas Hill Country! Keep coming back for the latest!
Later,
Dan Bunch
TX"Newly Married" Copywrite 2011 by Dan Bunch
One evening in the Hill Country of Texas, a young, just married, pretty woman drove onto a friends ranch looking to fetch her husband home. She had been in College that day, as had he earlier.
They had just married only a few months before, each trying to finish up at Tarleton College. Which is the college of choice to send children for those families that are trying to "step up" into the ranks of educated American Families, as well as those that have always sent their children to college. What I am trying to say is that it is more than a family tradition in Texas, this agriculture (and more) college.
So just at dusk one warm day she pulled up to the Ranch Foreman's home. This being the "old married couple" that had befriended them at college. They had been married a whole five years!
The Ranch Foreman's wife was outside watering her newly acquired flowers. Her toddler just then trying to experiment with pulling tails of dogs, cats, and any other creature that got too close.
"Honey leave the goats tail on him, ok?" The Ranch Forman's wife said before acknowledging the arrival in a cloud of dust of the newly married wife. "Howdy, honey! You lookin' for your man I reckon?" Everyone being called "honey" or "hun" for short in a lot of places in Texas.
"I sure am, where is the rascal?" She spoke and got out of the Ford pickup to sweep the toddler off his feet and give him a hug and a kiss upon his wet cheek.
"Stud decided today was a good day to go "spotlightin", so he took your husband with him."
Spotlighting being a main sport for the young Rancher when the varmints are beginning to be a problem. The fact is, if you have to swipe your fist across the door latch, knocking all the young coons off it to get into the feed room to feed the saddle stock, then the varmints are beginning to be a problem. The fact that there was a small market in fur helped offset the ammunition prices. But the main thing was the "manly" pursuit of making your own amusements in an area of large Ranch's. This ranch was only a small one, but boasted something shy of 26,000 acres. Large enough to have to use a horse at times, which was the main draw in seeking this employment for those, like the Forman, and also the "newly married" want to be Foreman of a Ranch, errant husband.
The Young Bride put the toddler down in close proximity to the goat's tail, which kept him more than happy and out of pickup wheels, "roadkill" toddlers not being the main meal courses these days. "I will just go out and fetch him. I ain't got all day to wait and jaw with ya today."
"OK. They ain't been gone long. You can probably see 'em soon enough. Just go though that gate." The "old" bride said to show the way the men had gone.
Driving slowly across the pasture, once she had gotten through the gate, and following a barbed wire fence, she decided to make a plan to get her husband into the truck and take her to get something to eat. She figured, rightly, that he would want to while away the evening hours killing whatever moved along the pastures as they drove along. To her, a typical "man thing", and a complete waste of time. So she carefully laid the typical young woman's plan, and laughed aloud at the appropriateness, and undoubted success it would bring. She was hungry!
The men were easily found. All she had to do was watch the sky. The 500 billion watt "airport searchlight" of a handheld spotlight lit up the sky whenever the men was not too concerned about turning the light off while tossing critters into the back of the Ranch Truck. The over-arching light was a beacon anyone could follow.
As she pulled up to the Ranch pickup the two men were leaning on the tailgate. A huge pile of something looking like a ton of dead animals of all kinds were loaded into the bed of the truck "Good thing she had a plan!" She thought as she knew they would drink a little whiskey and skin the passel of them tonight. But forget that she had been in class all day and was hungry.
She rolled down the window and glanced at the two "Ranchhands" and put her plan into action. She spoke to her husband in French. As they had both taken years of French lessons in school, and she was wanting to entice him using the "language of love" to better and faster have her way, which was to eat something before she fainted away with hunger.
Her words will not be quoted here for obvious reasons, but it was to the effect of "what I am going to do to you to give you unabashed and unending pleasure, as soon as I get something to eat, and get you home alone, you won't believe! "big boy"!
With that, and knowing that his partner in crime, the Ranch Foreman, would have no idea what she said, yet he was more than a little embarrassed that she had used the slang French that was more than bawdy, he grinned at her. But then, he hesitated still, because he knew it would throw a kink into the skinning of the animals. His buddy would have to either freeze them whole, and the skinning of them later would be really hard, or take his leave and make up some excuse that would let him off without a comment about his "love life' from the buddy. He was thinking hard.
All of a sudden, the Ranch Foreman straightened up and looked at the young married man with a twinkle in his eye, and using prefect French, told him that as his partner he would be glad to take his place, and sort of "fill in", if his buddy wanted to skin the animals, or felt he was not up to any other task!
You see, the Ranch Foreman had traveled with his Father, a Doctor of some renown, when he had gone to France to study some new technical level of his practice. They had put the Ranch Foreman into public school for years!
The young married woman turned so many shades of red that she finally just cranked the truck and started backing across the pasture along the main trail, through the gate, and down to the house where she had started the trip.
As the two men followed in a bouncing, tippling, and at times, "tippling" way across the pasture along the two lane trail made by the pickup in days past. Tipping, or "tippling" a small bottle of whiskey they had stowed in the pickup, the women knew nothing about so it was beyond their "bitching" reach, up to take small sips and to celebrate their good fortunes. It was more than enough to be young, married to beautiful women, and be on a Ranch large enough to feel like real Cowboys.
And finally reaching the house in their own good time, they pulled up to the Ford the young married lady was driving, but she had begun to back up more than two hundred yards before she stopped in the main Ranch road, the engine running.
The two men continued to laugh, to make bawdy jokes, and then to ease along after her. She then backed up just as far and as fast as the Ranch truck was moved towards her.
The two men finally figured out that the young man was going to be made to walk to prevent the eyes and the laughter of the "old married" Ranch Foreman to reach, and to cause his young bride more embarrassment.
He got out of the truck, made some apologetic comments to the Foreman, amid answering bawdy jokes, and walked to the Ford pickup. The young bride waited, instead of backing up as he walked to her, only feinting such as he first started to walk towards the Ford. She was too hungry to play more games, or he would, he knew, be in for a tough time!
Later,
Dan Bunch
Tx
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